I failed as a parent today.
I LOVE my kids, but I failed as their mother today. And let me tell you why….
I (hope, feel, believe) that we all have these days no matter the age of our children.
I have an almost three year old and an 8 month old. My almost three year old is the definition of a threenager. He is full of “spirit” as one might categorize. James Thor. It’s a strong name. It’s a family name. He was named after my grandpa, my hubby’s two grandpa’s (Thor and James), uncle and cousins that also have this beautiful strong name. And let me tell you HE. LIVES. UP. TO. IT’S. STRENGTH. He is a strong, independent, determined, curious, persistent, busy, active, and LOUD little boy. I hope/feel/believe that these strong personality traits will be a blessing as he ages, not the curse it feels like now.
I also have an 8 month old daughter. Hannah Marie. She’s so sweet and quiet, especially compared to James. She is DETERMINED. She is in the crawling stage but she is also DETERMINED to walk. She pulls herself up to standing, and even takes a few steps around furniture. She wants to keep up with the big kids so badly that I fear I will have an early walker on my hands. Summer should be interesting. She is so sweet. She is determined, persistent, opinionated, and so happy.
I have to say that I have hit the jackpot with my kids. Neither of them were big criers as a newborn. Neither have allergies that we know of so far, which includes peanuts. Mom fail, baby got a bite of her brothers PBJ the other day. How you might ask…. good question. I’m still trying to figure that out. Best guess, it was on the floor. Anyway no reaction thankfully. Both of my kids do relatively well at night. They go with the flow. They are happy kids. I really SHOULDN’T complain based on all the scenarios I have come across in my counseling background.
I am in the counseling profession. Now when I say that, I mean I have a graduate degree in mental health and school counseling (K-12). I’d like to think of myself as an intelligent and competent individual. I have been involved in some pretty serious and sad situations through various work and internships.
NOTHING prepared me for my experience as a SAHM to James and Hannah! Mainly James, although I am sure Hannah will give me a run for my “money” later on too. Yet James, he is my challenge for the moment. Today, I was CHALLENGED to my core. Now James really wasn’t too “bad” today. And as his parent, I have to take responsibility for his behaviors in that I am responsible for how he acts. Yes he is an individual, but I am his parent and right now I am his primary learning environment. I don’t know what exactly triggered my reactions today. Possibly the whining, the HIGH decibel screeches, pushing down of the little sister (remember she’s standing while holding on furniture), or just the constant need for attention, but this mommy BLEW HER LID today. I lost it. I hate to admit it, but I did. I failed him as a mother. I raised my voice more than I care to recount today. He was in time out in his room (while mommy snuck in a VERY quick shower…with the baby screaming outside the shower door….). He watched way more screen time than I also care to admit. Everything in my behavior goes against what I am trained to do.
** Please note no animals or children were harmed before or during this blog post**
Do not reward/encourage negative behavior. Speak to children in a calming voice. Do not raise voice. Don’t lose your S&*% when dealing with your kids. This is is educated (and common sense) stuff here people. Children start to form memories around 3.
I DO NOT want my kids to remember these moments of mommy having a meltdown as their first memory people. Can we say life long therapy, if that’s the case…
I did use this as a “teachable moment” after my many tears were shed at about 2 pm today. I talked with James and explained that even mommy can have a bad day. He proceed to give me kisses and tell me it was ok (melt my heart). But….
How is it that one small little human is able to push so many buttons, AND know now to do it?!?! How do toddlers have so much energy?? Does it ever stop/get better?!?
Come on other moms out there…I know I’m not alone..right? RIGHT?
However today shed some perspective on my life.
1. I am so lucky to have these two beautiful children.
2. There is stress in all life situations, and I would NOT wish to have it any other way right now.
3. Parenting is CHALLENGING…. this is not a new lesson, just re-iterated.
4. You can sneak in showers.
5. Thank HEAVENS for WINE!
What are your most challenging times as a parent?